To Forgive Others Start With Self Forgiveness.
If you are in pain because you have been hurt by someone and find it hard to forgive them start by looking at yourself.
Like most of use you may feel at first you are not to blame, you have been hurt, so "how could this help me"?
Are there things in your life that you do blame yourself for? Things like:
If one thing is certain in life you are not alone with self blame.
It is almost impossible to live a life and not blame yourself for something.
But where there is continuous blame there is likely to be no forgiveness and this is where an opportunity for self forgiveness arises.
Mostly we do not realize we need to do this
For self forgiveness how you judge yourself is something very worthy of examination.
These feelings of guilt and self blame can be so automatic that it is very easy to just believe that this is just “you”.
You accept that you have “always” been like this; your “conscience” has guided you to where you are right now.
But how much has this “conscience” restricted you, kept you within your comfort zone and possibly left you often feeling that you are not good enough?
It can be difficult but you can stand back, draw a line in the sand and really see if your internal judge is serving you well right now.
Getting past internal judging is realizing that living with the past does not serve you well; it can keep you stuck and unable to move on.
Think of it like this – “now” is where the past is over and if you miss this “now” the next “now” is where you can start from.
So you always have a chance to draw that line in the sand and move on.
For “parents” you can substitute boss, education, friends - many things - but also yourself and in doing this you can then start to love yourself and be able to forgive others.
When you love and embrace self forgiveness you will find it easier to forgive others.
Usually we judge others by the often unexamined “rules” we ourselves live by.
So if you can acknowledge that the “expiry date” on blaming yourself according to these rules is over the space for loving and forgiving others will emerge.
For most of us, in the greater scheme of things, what we need to forgive in others is probably not all that big of a deal.
But in the greater scheme of things where people on both sides of a conflict, for instance, have suffered enormously perhaps through war, murder, rape; how could we even approach the subject of forgiveness for them, if we can’t forgive something of a much lesser nature in our own lives.
Forgiveness comes from the inside out.
The miracle of forgiveness is that it contains the "power of release;" it can free the negative energy you use to hold on to blame and perhaps revenge.
And that "power of release" can open up to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you and enable you to release the anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge.
Embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Forgiveness is not weakness but a strength you can allow yourself to access.
Clearing your mind of the negative effects of blame and finding forgiveness has even been shown to have many beneficial effects:
So think about something or someone you need to forgive.
Start with being kind to yourself, remember the past is over and forgiveness is a choice you can find the strength to make.