STAGE 1
The meaning of resentment has very negative connotations but even for the best of us it can sometimes arise.
It can
be triggered usually from a sense of injustice or regret based on a
recent event or it can linger in the background from something that may
have happened a long time ago
Resentment can arise from some unspoken hurt or pain from a false accusation or from some incident that is lodged in the mind.
The feeling may be narrowly based – against a particular person – or more broadly based - against a particular group of people.
The particular person could be someone you see most days and it can even seem like a good relationship exists with that person.
It could be your boss – he or she may, for example, be younger than you and you also feel the next promotion will not come your way.
It could be against a vague “them” – you didn’t get a good start, you were never understood, you didn’t get the breaks – “they” are to blame.
Resentment is a very destructive force that clouds good judgment, restricts freedom of thought, encourages prejudice undermines empowerment and can make your world a darker place.
It can usually be felt very strongly and the feeling is one of defense - against that person, that vague group, who has offended you and then in comes the need to protect yourself. It is you versus the world now.
In a particular “once off” incident –
perhaps you had an angry put down from somebody – the instinct is
usually to react immediately to the offence, give as good as you got and
hurt them back.
But they are now offended and will protect themselves – the destructive negative energy grows and grows.
The
angry put down could have been from someone in authority and you feel
in that circumstance you can’t react but the seed will have been sown
and it can grow and wait for a chance to hurt back.
A more
subtle form of resentment could be against a group – politicians,
bureaucrats, authority figures, successful people - this can smolder in
the background and can come out in the form of complaining.
Living with all of this is a restriction on the joy of life.
The complaining is not usually based on facts but on the feeling of being offended and the need to attack.
It directs your precious energies to a dark and moody place where you can sometimes feel alone with the world against you.
Resentment is an instinctive reaction to protect who you think you are - the sensitive offended you.
How can resentment be seen for what it is?
The sensitive offended you may be who you think
you are; but there is something in all of us that knows there is more to
us than that.
That gut feeling, that fleeting flash of insight,
that joyful moment when you just know there is more to you than the
role you give yourself in life.
This is the key to it – who are you protecting?
Why must you always attack or complain to defend yourself?
If you ask yourself this question and observe the resentment you can lessen its hold on you.
Think of the power that non reaction gives.
It means that you know you don’t have a need to automatically protect the “me” the ego has created in your mind.
If you don’t automatically react to the feelings you will have time and space to let it go or act in a positive way.
When
the feeling arises quickly to something hurtful that has just been
directed at you it can be extremely difficult to be calm; but it is
possible.
To get an idea of the power of non reaction switch things around – look at it topsy turvy style.
Imagine
that you “loose it” and hurdle abuse at someone. You are lost in the
conviction that you are right and you want to hurt the other person to
even things up.
But they don’t react.
They surrender to the situation, stay calm,
look at you in a quiet peaceful way, acknowledge the facts of the
situation in a composed manner, genuinely offer an apology if they are
wrong or a positive solution if it’s not clear who’s to blame.
How would you feel - chances are that this response would calm you down.
Now
imagine that you are this calm composed person; that you have the power
to see the facts of the situation and the other person’s pain.
Then imagine having the strength to calm the situation – how would this make you feel?
When
the feeling of resentment is more subtle and broods slowly inside you
against some group or collection of people - politicians, bureaucrats,
authority figures, successful people whom you have labeled as “them”,
again turn the problem around.
When you realize that you can control and even drop resentment you have become aware of your feelings.
Despite
lingering feelings of resentment this awareness is the platform on
which you will build to become a centered calm person.
A useful way to approach "letting it go" is to try this –
In your life you spend a lot of time with other people but are usually also alone for some time each day.
Take this alone time to develop the ability to relax and meditate.
Don’t feel you must try hard at this and take hours each day to perfect the techniques.
Take fifteen minutes – five to relax and ten to meditate.
The
secret is to keep it up - if you miss a day – no problem - start next
day - if you miss a week- no problem - start next day, if you miss a
month, no problem – start next day!
Your mind (Ego) will stop you and convince you that you are wasting your time again and again on this self development - start next day!
Eventually
the “start next days” will join up and the time comes when you will
begin to see subtle changes in how you feel about your life.
You
will begin to see that by building a meditation practice you will begin
to know that you really can drop resentment and see how small and
clever the ego really is.
You will begin to watch for opportunities not to react.
Everyday
life itself is an ongoing boot camp for practice because opportunities
to build and strengthen resentment present themselves almost every day.
But
you will be ready for this; you will be building the resources to deal
with resentment and to become that calm, centered person.
Find the meaning of resentment in your life and let it go - no resentment no chains!
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